Jul 13, 2007

Career Opportunities

So I've been presented with an opportunity at work.

Well, perhaps "opportunity" is the wrong word, as it was presented as a sort of opportunity/ultimatum hybrid.

In essence, I have been given (in addition to all my regular work) the task of managing the transition of the entire ticketing system for [the theme park at which I work] from one database system to another. If I manage to do this by some nebulous target date (likely in September, which is a joke for a different post), I will be anointed with a new title, purportedly containing that mystical word of power, "manager." If I fail ... well, let's not dwell on that.

In order to do this however, I need to learn to write effective "Use Cases." In order to do that, I have been given a book, helpfully titled, Writing Effective Use Cases.

Now, if you're not a total corporate stooge, you are probably asking yourself, "What is a use case?" (That is, if you haven't already stopped reading this already.) Well, let's take a look at the first paragraph of the introduction, helpfully titled, "What is a Use Case?" shall we?
A use case captures a contract between the stakeholders of a system about its behavior. The use case describes the system's behavior under various conditions as the system responds to a request from one of the stakeholders, called the primary actor. The primary actor initiates an interaction with the system to accomplish some goal. The system responds, protecting the interests of all the stakeholders. Different sequences of behavior, or scenarios, can unfold, depending on the particular requests made and the conditions surrounding the requests. The use case gathers those different scenarios together.
If that doesn't make you want to yank out your eyeballs and feed them to the cat, congratulations! You may have a future in project management! I, in contrast, am now haivag ar d time tpying withoyt eyvslls.

Seriously, though: does this paragraph in any way clarify the concept for you? At this stage of the game, a "use case" could be anything. Is it a diorama? An essay? A pictogram? A standing stone engraved with the catchphrases of the ancient druids?

If there's one thing I hate, it's businesspeak.

Actually, if I was restricted to one thing, it would probably be "cruelty," but it's my blog, so I'll hyperbolize (hyperbolate? hyperbolitize?) if I want to.


Ted Helmers said...

I think you need to change your paradigm to understand that paragraph, and I ain't gonna.

Morgue said...

I can't change my paradigm without a mission statement and a change control!!!

Ink Gorilla said...

ua rgua l hijw?

U'n glcubf l sudduxykr runw ybswearlbsubf tiy.