Sep 24, 2007

Heroes, Season Two Premiere

You know, I'm really glad they canceled Heroes after just one season. I mean, yeah, they might have been able to keep going after the pretty awesome season one finale, but it probably would have been a total letdown.

Yeah. Hehe. *sigh*


SPOILER SPACE - Do not read further if you don't want to know about the Heroes Season Two Premiere.

Sweet Mother of Abraham Lincoln, that sucked. In virtually every way it could have sucked, it did so with a vengeance.

Let's see:
  • Opening the show with a heaping helping of Mohinder? CHECK!
  • Showing us in the opening of the show that Nathan, Peter, and Sylar are all going to show up alive.
  • Not just letting Parkman survive, but having him completely recovered from four gunshot wounds to the chest and still have plenty of time to transfer from the LAPD (where he had been suspended) to the NYPD and complete his detective training and pass his detective exams before the first commercial break? CHECK!
  • Having Nathan survive with no explanation? CHECK!
  • Giving Nathan a Grizzly Adams beard for no reason? CHECK!
  • Making Nathan a sorry drunk despite the fact that he did the right thing and knows it? CHECK!
  • Moving Claire to a new school, which is ALSO populated entirely by bitchy cheerleaders? CHECK!
  • Making these cheerleaders EXTRA BITCHY? CHECK!
  • Introducing new and absolutely uninteresting characters? CHECK!
  • Introducing the new characters' powers in a totally predictable fashion? CHECK!
  • Giving George Takei the super-equivalent of the Black Spot before killing him off in a trite manner? CHECK!
  • Hiding the identity of George Takei's killer with a hoodie???? CHECK!
  • Spinning plot threads out of whole cloth as if they'd always been part of the show? (i.e. "That means there are only ... nine of us left!") CHECK!
  • Introducing "Irish" characters with quite possibly the worst Irish accents ever committed to audio recording? CHECK!
  • Turning Mr. Bennet's only scenes into asinine comic relief? CHECK!
  • Actually having a character ask another character his name and having that character answer with a panicky, "I ... I don't know!" BIG FAT REX MORGAN, M.D. CHECK!
  • Showing us in the "Next Time on Heroes" bit, AGAIN, that Sylar is alive. CHECK!
I could go on, but it's too painful.

Even the feeble highlights, almost totally lost in the Chicken McNugget backwash that was this premiere, were ... uh ... feeble.

Hiro's segments were kind of amusing, and had the only surprise in the entire episode.

Um ... yeah. Uh ... I'm really trying here ...

Nope, I got nothin. God help NBC, cause Chuck also sucked.

No comments: