Dec 9, 2008

Blue Pencil #9: Mirror Image

I know it's been a long time, but I thought I'd do another Blue Pencil, just for the hell of it. So here's an insulting, cursory look at Mirror Image, by Richard Flewelling.
It is often said: "Everyone has a "double" out there, somewhere."
I'm pretty sure my double knows how to use quotation marks.
What would happen if a persons "double" actually interfaced with the "Other Doubles Peer Group" and do it so perfectly, no one could tell the difference?
I'm not "sure."

Nick Bogart is about to find out.

On a chilly afternoon in 1962, Nick Bogart found little amusement in his favorite Saloon across the state line of Iowa/South Dakota in North Sioux City.
He's about to find out ... 46 years ago?
Bogie wandered across the street to see if the entertainment quotient was any better over there.
The "entertainment quotient" = (number of attractive women) / (number of dudes present who are better looking than you). Modified by alchohol consumption, of course.
Somewhere in the distance of 150 feet, "Bogey" stepped into the world of "Gary Luther".
Somewhere in the very precise distance, apparently. And not only can he not use quotation marks, he's also a little shaky on the spelling of his own nickname. This bodes poorly for "Bogey(ie)."
It may just as well have been a pathway to a corner of Hell. It did not seem that way at first. When Gary Luther’s drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend climbed on to Bogey’s lap in a burst of passionate familiarity, Bogey decided it might be OK to stay as "Gary" for "just a little while".

Bogie stayed "Gary" too long.

There was "baggage" with this relationship.
God knows, anytime a drop-dead gorgeous woman who is a complete stranger leaps on my lap in a burst of "passionate familiarity," the last thing I suspect is that she may have issues.
This woman was woefully underage, and had a lunatic estranged husband chasing around looking for her.
How underage is "woefully?" And she's already married, to boot? Baggage indeed.
Gary also had enemies, and a mysterious existence. No one knew where he came from, or what he did for a living. All anyone knew about him was that he had lots of "Charm."
And a penchant for air-quotes that underage married girls found irresistible.
It is also a time of discovery of the differing depths and heights of romantic realities for Bogey, as well as the existance of worlds he is not familiar.
I'm gonna have to just let that one stand.
Things are happening he cannot explain, and people around Gary were disappearing, and dying out there.
Gary's doctor: Take it easy, Gary ... you're two-tense!
Bogey finds himself captured in an ever-tightening spiral of confusion, danger, passion, violence, mystery, the supernatural, and heartbreak; trying to understand what is going on, and trying to get back some semblance of normalicy in his life.
Wow, that is one drama-packed spiral.

And now, an excerpt:
As I pulled into the large bare dirt parking area of the "overlook", I remarked to myself as I saw her standing a short distance from her car looking out over the tri-state vista and then turning to me as she heard me pull up, what a enchanting creature this young woman truly was.
Dayam, but that is one helluva run-on sentence.
Daylight can usually uncover a lot of facial "camouflage", but this gal didn't really need any of that. She was incredibly beautiful. What make-up she wore only added highlights to what features she already had, and hers was about as good as it got.
As a reader, I am already picturing Bogey(ie) doing air quotes in every sentence. He's probably the kind of person who uses cliches like, "Get the ball rolling," and "Get our ducks in a row." God I hate him.
It was a pretty, sunny, early spring day. It was still cold outside, but aside from a bit of patch ice in the shaded areas coming up the hill, most of the roadway was clear of snow and in relatively good condition, as was the Overlook parking area.
Thanks, Gary. We'll keep you folks up to date on WeatherWatch 2009 if conditions change. And now, sports.
As I pulled up a short distance from Jenni's car, it was funny how I mentally thought how the DeVille she drove seemed to be much too big a car for such a small woman.
It would have been funnier if you'd physically thought it.
The remote location was one that had to be a "destination" as the road here was not a common route, and in addition, was a poor one. It could be confusing to someone who did not know the way. It was a perfect "lovers lane".
That's it! The next person who says something with air quotes is going to get punched in the face and I will have a copy of this excerpt handy to justify my rage.

Well, that's about as much as I can handle. You'd think, with subject matter like the blurb describes, he'd have picked a more interesting excerpt. Then again, stumbling this badly when describing a parking lot doesn't exactly lead me to expect titillating love scenes or gripping action.


Genesis said...

I don't know...I might have to purchase this one just to see if he mentions "heaving breasts."

carole* said...

That's just (sic).