Dec 2, 2008

Quantum of Solace



Rating: 2.4 Moores / 0.9 Connerys / 2.7 Daltons / 3.1 Lazenbys / 0.75 Craigs

It's okay. Not as good as Casino Royale and not a lot of fun, but fairly well made. The villain's plot is fairly lame, however, leading me to wonder how the guy can even show his face around some old-school Bond villains.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Fake environmentalist meanie DOMINIC GREENE enters SPECTRE Quantum HQ and spots a feeble and wheelchair-bound ERNST STAVRO BLOFELD. Greene approaches Blofeld with a creepy grin and big buggy eyes.

GREENE

Blofeld, good to see you out of traction! You're just in time to hear about our great new villainous scheme!

BLOFELD

Lay it on me, soul brother.

GREENE

We're going to ... overcharge Bolivians for their water! Muhahahahahah!!!

BLOFELD

Come again?

GREENE

... You know. Bolivians. We're stealing their water.

BLOFELD

Bolivians? Who gives a shit?

GREENE

Well, they're thirsty, see, and we stole the water--

BLOFELD

I get that, but is that your whole plan? Christ, son, in my day, we stole NASA Rockets and tried to start World War III! Jesus, even that pussy Hugo Drax tried to nerve gas the entire human race!


GREENE (confused)

Where's the profit in that?

BLOFELD

Profit? Fuck profit! We were in it for the evil, boy.

GREENE

Wait a minute! Our 007 is a lot harsher than yours, old man. He's a killing machine! If we did something really bad, he'd probably kill us and then go find our families. Fucking scary.

BLOFELD

Ah, he's a crybaby. I remember this one 007, we offed his wife right in front of him and he barely ever mentioned it again. Shit. This guy's obsessing over some double-crossing tramp for two movies! I made the mistake of screwing with another 007 when he was visiting his wife's grave and he threw me down an industrial smokestack with a helicopter! And I was in a goddamn wheelchair! Now go get me a cup of coffee before Oddjob drinks the whole goddamn pot.

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